Sunday, September 28, 2008

Street circuit racing

Well weekends here again.And hell,it all ends so soon.
Went and saw the F1.Had a tough time figuring out which car belonged to which and as a result spent a major portion of my time rooting for a red Ferrari,who I thought was driven by Hamilton.Was told to shut the hell up by my Dad...after I shouted "Go Hamilton!" one too many times whenever the red car sped by.
Got talking with two old Brits....boring stuff.Nearly felt like vomiting up my "supposed " five star Cantonese meal.Never again! Have Cantonese food again that is.Brits are nice enough folk.

Have a tough week ahead.SAT on Sunday..hell!!.Intensive gymming..a result of the slacking off I did this week.
Blah...I'm out.

Monday, September 22, 2008


I had my toefl exam.
Dad woke me up at 6:30.I got ready,had breakfast(low fat,even though I am 150 cms and 39 kiloes). I'm borderline anorexic.
Wondered how would I manage to stay awake for the entire duration of the test.Was getting ready to leave home when Dad told me that the paper was not for 2 more hours."Great",I thought "Two more hours to brainwash myself with MTV Asia "Settled down to watch TV.

The exam sucked.I aced it.Hummed Maroon 5's "Wake up call" to myself throughout the entire thing.Scary business..watching tv and all.
Fuckin kills all your brain cells.
I have around 10 neurons left..I'm sure.
The boy next to me cheated the entire thing off me.Met a girl from my SAT classes,who I call Donald Duck(in my mind).
Got worried when I saw a guy doing a paragraph that I hadn't come across.Forgot to listen to the listening section as a result.Didn't realise until later on that the number of paragraphs you got was variable.
Life's queer!
Have hip hop dance classes tomorrow.
You don't realise how hilariously embarrassing it can be dancing with a bunch of middle aged housewives until the instructor yells.."Reema(Me)..What you doing..65 year old lady bending more than you!"..singaporean accent and all.
But this is how it is here.Middle aged or not,they all dance like Justin Timberlake.*sighs*

Swan's info

I'm just a normal 18 year old.
I graduated from high school this year.Went to an all girls boarding school in one of the princely states of India.Got great grades.I was the school head,was the lead guitarist in the rock band,was the editor of all the school publications,was the dramatics society head,best actor in my school,played the flute in the school orchestra,played piano since I was 8,swam,did martial arts,won national level quiz competitions,head of the animal lovers club..blah blah!.
So yea..I did pretty well in school.
But hell,now that I'm outta there,none of that shit matters anymore.

I'd like to think of myself as being cold,mysterious..secretive maybe.But hell..people tell me that I am the complete opposite.I'm as open as a goddamn headline in the national daily newspaper.I'm probably the warmest person you'll come across,someone who'll make you laugh.And yea..secrets.I just cant seem to keep them.I'm always smiling.I go through life with a goddamn smile so wide...its sickening.
But this is where the problem arises.

The problem is that,in the words of JD Salinger's Holden.. I am a phoney...a complete fake.
I hate the people I come across.Most people who consider themselves my friends think that I am their best friend...and the nicest girl on earth.
They don't realise that that my facade is just a carefully orchestrated role,like that in a movie.They don't realise that every emotion I exhibit..every action of mine..has been carefully thought over and replayed in my head.Hell,if they just saw the right movies..they would know that everything I said to them were just lines.
I hated everything I did in school.Neither does play writing excite me..nor do I enjoy playing any of those instruments music.hell,I don't even like listening to songs.I hated being part of the newsletter.I hate writing.

Ive been in boarding since I was 10.My mum's dead.Her replacement,my grandmother...died too.All my pets died.
I sometimes wonder if I'm dead to.Because inside..I don't feel anything.But then I breathe..Hark!..there go my sweetly melancholic visions of dying and being mourned.

I hope to become a doctor in the future.Indian medical schools are shit difficult to get into,lakhs of students sit for the entrance exams..and 90 % of them are those sad,poor buggers who have been preparing for med entrances ever since they learned their ABC's,in some pathetic little village school.No place for us snooty,public school kids,who were taught to focus on their all-round development, here.If I could,I'd torch that bloody word-all round develpment..bleh!

I am thinking of going to USA for my undergrad..and get into Havard or John Hopkins after;unless I get killed first.Screwy world that we live in.

Will be continued.

Thursday, September 18, 2008


A little overview.

Since,I left...

This is what my life used to be like a few weeks ago.Now its changed,not drastically,but just a little.

6 Am-You hear the brother pottering about,shoving stuff into his suitcase hurriedly,to catch his 9 Am flight. On realising that your pained expressions and grunts at the "Oh so bright!" light and noise are being ignored,you cover your face with your arm and drift back to sleep.

7 Am-The brother is saying goodbye.You vaguely make out stuff like,"Study hard ... stuck in Agra... with Dadi" and decide to ignore your big brother.You also decide against waking up to say goodbye.

11 Am-Rukmini comes in to enquire about the breakfast menu.You keep your eyes tightly shut as you don't feel like eating anything at all for the rest of your life:-A result of having eaten a gazillion Pringles, Loaded Baked Potato flavour the night before,and then being informed by your cousin that the "cute,little potato skins" on the box were actually pieces of Bacon.

11.30 Am-You dream that you are in a courtroom,where an argument is going on between your predominant vegetarian side and your "newly"found non-vegetarian side,with your sleep befuddled brain acting as judge.
"Eat those effin chips already!!!"your non-veg instinct shouts.
Your decision to feel piqued by its tone wavers as you see Pringles,floating in the air,some happy,some sad,all with signs of "Eat me! I taste great" on them.

12 Am-Just as you are making up your mind to turn into an animal eating ..human??,your vegetarian side perks up.
"You cannot,oh so cannot eat animals,dude!Think of all the little piglets and chickens ,left alone, without Mum and Dad!"it shrieks.
Eventually drama wins over practicality,and you go back to being the grass eating human you always were.

2 Pm-The bell rings.Startled you look at the time in your cell phone(Yes,the one Dad bought for you a month back when he was sure that you were going to get into AIIMS),jump out of bed,pick up whatever book is lying near you and rush to open the door.You get startled by the bemused look your Aunt throws at you,but once safely ensconced in the privacy of your room,you discover that the book in your hands was actually one of your Aunt's gyaencology periodicals.

2.30 Pm-You step out of your room somewhat sheepishly and inform your Aunt that "Yes,you woke up at 9 and had slept at 11 Pm the night before." ,"You have been studying since then" and "Yea you have had breakfast"

3 Pm-You settle down to watch Campus Vets in a lame ass attempt to look at other viable career options. Realise that getting up ,close and personal with bovine animals is not really your thing.

4 Pm-The Uncle comes back home and on seeing you in front of the TV informs you that if you dont get into a medical college the family will have no other option but to kill you.Vaguely comforted by all the words of support and appreciation,you slink back into your room.

4:15 Pm-After a little look around for your Physics book,you finally pick up a random Zoology book and flop onto the bed with it.The cellphone beeps,rather tinkles..and you nearly fall off the bed in the struggle to reach for it.You have three messages:-
Message 1 -Free car wash!..Delete-You don't own a car and due to lack of hand to eye coordination, probably never will.
Message 2-Bar unwanted calls..Delete-You don't receive too many off them as it is.:P
Message 3-Dial 141 for credit.--Nearly sprain your fingers in order to claim it.Are informed that you need to be a three month old subscriber.After slamming down the stupid phone in disgust you return to your books.

6 Pm-Catch a flight to Singapore,where you are not a Pre med student anymore.Just an average teenager who hasn't figured out what to do with her life yet.

12 Am-Reach home,flop onto your bed and feign sleep so that your Dad doesn't lecture you.

"I let my self flow onwards
I swim through my mind,back and forth"

Will not be continued.

Swan Speak

Time-4:02 AM

So,I'm finally here.After months of thinking and dreaming ,I've finally found the time to start a blog of my own.Many of you may ask;Why am I doing this?Why am I adding yet another blog to the millions that already exist?
This is a question I asked myself too,before I started this.
I am 18 years old.
I am at an age when life still seems full of hope .Optimism and idealism are key facets of my psyche.I'm just starting out on my life,and I feel that it may be interesting to document it to see where I end up.

Welcome to my blog!