Monday, October 13, 2008

On occasion

I have slightly fallen behind on my gymming schedule these days.Studies and the rest of that crap.
Its weird,the gym here in Singapore.There are people who go there to tone up,but still insist on taking up the lift to the second floor.There are the skinny people and the medium built people.No one fat though.
I often wonder where all the fatties in Singapore are at.They're probably dumped off, on an island somewhere,where they can happily live out their lives surrounded by like minded and waisted people.
Haha,just like they kill off all the pigeons in this place because of the mess they create.And the censorship issues.If I was my usual self,I would have absolutely hated this place.But hell,I actually dont.Its something like this;You are wrapped in a cocoon of comfort .You have everything:-from cheap housing to medical aid to air con buses and,who the hell am I to complain about a few murdered pigeons.
I just got an sms from my personal trainer reading "How am I supposed to help you if you don't want to help yourself".What the hell does she want to do,I wonder.Prolly suck the life force outta me,because thats all I've got left.
Inactivity of the soul kills!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Opposing views.

My latest favourite singer-Miyavi

I just got off the phone after a conversation with two rather rowdy and raucous college boys.One of them is my friend and the other one is supposedly hot..:P
Excerpt(They had the speaker phone on)
Boy A(My friend):He he Swan,you are going to the masquerade party as a boy?I think I'll turn gay then.As it is you love gay people.
Boy B(The other one):What?You like gay people...(Laughs)
Swan(seriously):Yes I do.
Boy B to Boy A:Haha...shes likes gays.
Boy A to Boy B:No yaar,shes just joking with you.She says absolutely anything at times.
Boy A(To me):Aren't you,little one?
Swan(Irritated):No,I'm not joking.I do like gay men.A lot actually.I have many friend who are gay.
Stunned silence follows.
Swan(The hypocrite in me awakens):Hee hee,no yaar,they're just hot.Do lots of stuff and makeup all na?Anyway,do you really like P?
The topic changes.

Incidents like these often make me wonder.Why is the majority of the people I know think I'm kidding whenever I mention anything about homosexuals or my love for them.(Yes it's true,I do like gay men.When I see you,I will probably love to be your friend.Unless I'm to intimidated by your 6 pack or whatever.)

Its funny when you contrast places like England where homosexuals can legally marry and India,where they just dont exist.

Even the youth of our country,no matter how progressive they view themselves as,are blind to the fact that homosexuality does exist.It is not just an instrument to bring about laughter whenever it is played in movies.

Perhaps its my fault too.I have lived in this utopian alternate reality for so long.A reality where sexuality is fluid-girl,guy,both,whatever......a reality where no act is taboo..where nothing is wrong.
It couldnt be more different from my actual surroundings.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008


Its a holiday today.For Eid.Woke up at my usual 4 Pm,feeling guilty .Slunk around the house,conned my Dad into going to to Little India alone and then settled down for some SAT Prep.
My SAT coachings finished yesterday.*Sighs*..I have nothing more to look f0ward too.
Had my hip hop classes on Tuesday.Had to endure an hour of extremely intricate footwork and extremely middle aged flirting.With the instructor that is..not me.:P.There was a new boy in the classes,so I was kinda happy cuz all the boys usually dance worse than me.Well,not this one aparently.
On the bus ride back home I sat opposite this college girl who was probably an year or so older to me,but looked as if she was my Mum.She kept staring at me,but I suppose thats because she figured that I was looking at her too.Not that I was.I dont look at people in the face.My way of acting "Chill".Try explaining that to my SAT teacher.Im a sucker for the mumsy types.The french teacher in my old school.

It has been a wierd week so far.When my Dad and I were walking through Orchard,a number of compeltly random people started coming up to us,saying some stuff both of us didnt get.They gestured with their hands ..and for that instance it looked like I was seeing the world in slow motion.Freaky.And it wasnt as if they spoke in some language we didnt understand..there were two Indians among them.Its like one of those movies in which people come and say stuff to you ,everything which turns out to be prophetic.I do hope there is a movie like this.If not..Hire me Dreamworks!.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Street circuit racing

Well weekends here again.And hell,it all ends so soon.
Went and saw the F1.Had a tough time figuring out which car belonged to which and as a result spent a major portion of my time rooting for a red Ferrari,who I thought was driven by Hamilton.Was told to shut the hell up by my Dad...after I shouted "Go Hamilton!" one too many times whenever the red car sped by.
Got talking with two old Brits....boring stuff.Nearly felt like vomiting up my "supposed " five star Cantonese meal.Never again! Have Cantonese food again that is.Brits are nice enough folk.

Have a tough week ahead.SAT on Sunday..hell!!.Intensive gymming..a result of the slacking off I did this week.
Blah...I'm out.

Monday, September 22, 2008


I had my toefl exam.
Dad woke me up at 6:30.I got ready,had breakfast(low fat,even though I am 150 cms and 39 kiloes). I'm borderline anorexic.
Wondered how would I manage to stay awake for the entire duration of the test.Was getting ready to leave home when Dad told me that the paper was not for 2 more hours."Great",I thought "Two more hours to brainwash myself with MTV Asia "Settled down to watch TV.

The exam sucked.I aced it.Hummed Maroon 5's "Wake up call" to myself throughout the entire thing.Scary business..watching tv and all.
Fuckin kills all your brain cells.
I have around 10 neurons left..I'm sure.
The boy next to me cheated the entire thing off me.Met a girl from my SAT classes,who I call Donald Duck(in my mind).
Got worried when I saw a guy doing a paragraph that I hadn't come across.Forgot to listen to the listening section as a result.Didn't realise until later on that the number of paragraphs you got was variable.
Life's queer!
Have hip hop dance classes tomorrow.
You don't realise how hilariously embarrassing it can be dancing with a bunch of middle aged housewives until the instructor yells.."Reema(Me)..What you doing..65 year old lady bending more than you!"..singaporean accent and all.
But this is how it is here.Middle aged or not,they all dance like Justin Timberlake.*sighs*

Swan's info

I'm just a normal 18 year old.
I graduated from high school this year.Went to an all girls boarding school in one of the princely states of India.Got great grades.I was the school head,was the lead guitarist in the rock band,was the editor of all the school publications,was the dramatics society head,best actor in my school,played the flute in the school orchestra,played piano since I was 8,swam,did martial arts,won national level quiz competitions,head of the animal lovers club..blah blah!.
So yea..I did pretty well in school.
But hell,now that I'm outta there,none of that shit matters anymore.

I'd like to think of myself as being cold,mysterious..secretive maybe.But hell..people tell me that I am the complete opposite.I'm as open as a goddamn headline in the national daily newspaper.I'm probably the warmest person you'll come across,someone who'll make you laugh.And yea..secrets.I just cant seem to keep them.I'm always smiling.I go through life with a goddamn smile so wide...its sickening.
But this is where the problem arises.

The problem is that,in the words of JD Salinger's Holden.. I am a phoney...a complete fake.
I hate the people I come across.Most people who consider themselves my friends think that I am their best friend...and the nicest girl on earth.
They don't realise that that my facade is just a carefully orchestrated role,like that in a movie.They don't realise that every emotion I exhibit..every action of mine..has been carefully thought over and replayed in my head.Hell,if they just saw the right movies..they would know that everything I said to them were just lines.
I hated everything I did in school.Neither does play writing excite me..nor do I enjoy playing any of those instruments music.hell,I don't even like listening to songs.I hated being part of the newsletter.I hate writing.

Ive been in boarding since I was 10.My mum's dead.Her replacement,my grandmother...died too.All my pets died.
I sometimes wonder if I'm dead to.Because inside..I don't feel anything.But then I breathe..Hark!..there go my sweetly melancholic visions of dying and being mourned.

I hope to become a doctor in the future.Indian medical schools are shit difficult to get into,lakhs of students sit for the entrance exams..and 90 % of them are those sad,poor buggers who have been preparing for med entrances ever since they learned their ABC's,in some pathetic little village school.No place for us snooty,public school kids,who were taught to focus on their all-round development, here.If I could,I'd torch that bloody word-all round develpment..bleh!

I am thinking of going to USA for my undergrad..and get into Havard or John Hopkins after;unless I get killed first.Screwy world that we live in.

Will be continued.

Thursday, September 18, 2008


A little overview.

Since,I left...

This is what my life used to be like a few weeks ago.Now its changed,not drastically,but just a little.

6 Am-You hear the brother pottering about,shoving stuff into his suitcase hurriedly,to catch his 9 Am flight. On realising that your pained expressions and grunts at the "Oh so bright!" light and noise are being ignored,you cover your face with your arm and drift back to sleep.

7 Am-The brother is saying goodbye.You vaguely make out stuff like,"Study hard ... stuck in Agra... with Dadi" and decide to ignore your big brother.You also decide against waking up to say goodbye.

11 Am-Rukmini comes in to enquire about the breakfast menu.You keep your eyes tightly shut as you don't feel like eating anything at all for the rest of your life:-A result of having eaten a gazillion Pringles, Loaded Baked Potato flavour the night before,and then being informed by your cousin that the "cute,little potato skins" on the box were actually pieces of Bacon.

11.30 Am-You dream that you are in a courtroom,where an argument is going on between your predominant vegetarian side and your "newly"found non-vegetarian side,with your sleep befuddled brain acting as judge.
"Eat those effin chips already!!!"your non-veg instinct shouts.
Your decision to feel piqued by its tone wavers as you see Pringles,floating in the air,some happy,some sad,all with signs of "Eat me! I taste great" on them.

12 Am-Just as you are making up your mind to turn into an animal eating ..human??,your vegetarian side perks up.
"You cannot,oh so cannot eat animals,dude!Think of all the little piglets and chickens ,left alone, without Mum and Dad!"it shrieks.
Eventually drama wins over practicality,and you go back to being the grass eating human you always were.

2 Pm-The bell rings.Startled you look at the time in your cell phone(Yes,the one Dad bought for you a month back when he was sure that you were going to get into AIIMS),jump out of bed,pick up whatever book is lying near you and rush to open the door.You get startled by the bemused look your Aunt throws at you,but once safely ensconced in the privacy of your room,you discover that the book in your hands was actually one of your Aunt's gyaencology periodicals.

2.30 Pm-You step out of your room somewhat sheepishly and inform your Aunt that "Yes,you woke up at 9 and had slept at 11 Pm the night before." ,"You have been studying since then" and "Yea you have had breakfast"

3 Pm-You settle down to watch Campus Vets in a lame ass attempt to look at other viable career options. Realise that getting up ,close and personal with bovine animals is not really your thing.

4 Pm-The Uncle comes back home and on seeing you in front of the TV informs you that if you dont get into a medical college the family will have no other option but to kill you.Vaguely comforted by all the words of support and appreciation,you slink back into your room.

4:15 Pm-After a little look around for your Physics book,you finally pick up a random Zoology book and flop onto the bed with it.The cellphone beeps,rather tinkles..and you nearly fall off the bed in the struggle to reach for it.You have three messages:-
Message 1 -Free car wash!..Delete-You don't own a car and due to lack of hand to eye coordination, probably never will.
Message 2-Bar unwanted calls..Delete-You don't receive too many off them as it is.:P
Message 3-Dial 141 for credit.--Nearly sprain your fingers in order to claim it.Are informed that you need to be a three month old subscriber.After slamming down the stupid phone in disgust you return to your books.

6 Pm-Catch a flight to Singapore,where you are not a Pre med student anymore.Just an average teenager who hasn't figured out what to do with her life yet.

12 Am-Reach home,flop onto your bed and feign sleep so that your Dad doesn't lecture you.

"I let my self flow onwards
I swim through my mind,back and forth"

Will not be continued.

Swan Speak

Time-4:02 AM

So,I'm finally here.After months of thinking and dreaming ,I've finally found the time to start a blog of my own.Many of you may ask;Why am I doing this?Why am I adding yet another blog to the millions that already exist?
This is a question I asked myself too,before I started this.
I am 18 years old.
I am at an age when life still seems full of hope .Optimism and idealism are key facets of my psyche.I'm just starting out on my life,and I feel that it may be interesting to document it to see where I end up.

Welcome to my blog!